...a history with God...expectation oh'12, ii

"Never let a good crisis go to waste" -Rahm Emanuel

I first heard this phrase used about 2 years ago when surfing the news (bit of a news junkie here). The economy was tanking, oil prices were shooting through the roof, turmoil all over the world...and I was only mildly freak'd out (haha). My reaction went something like this..."That's just what those flaming liberals want for us, so they can re-make our society and rewrite the rules."

But my paradigm began to shift near the end of December '11. I started to feel challenged that I was living too cautiously, too carefully, too calculated! Like the picture above (and from my last post). I was living "safe". The crisis was out there. It was as close as moving from the shallow waters to the dark of the deep sea.

I felt the HS call me to fast during the first 21 days of the the new year. It was probably one of the most difficult fasts I remember being on. The HS was turning my world upside down, challenging strongholds in my mind and comfort levels of my heart. And so far this year...I have been experiencing a "crisis" of sorts.

Many days I have crawled like a worm back into my shell and some days I have trumpeted my surrender. But in each case, in and out of days...my answer has been a resounding "Yes" to the Spirit of God.

On Tuesday, January 17th, I sat crumpled on the floor in my secret place, crying out to God. "What gives...is this all you have for me? Why can't I seem to break through? I am overwhelmed when thinking about Moses, Abraham, Daniel, etc... Are you listening right now...cause I'm having a crisis here, God!"

Immediately a scene from the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie, "Return of the King" flashed through my mind: http://youtu.be/AvFB3P-9XcQ

The Rangers of Ithilien, had made their stealthy advance into Mordor. They were living in caves, protected and concealed from the enemy and spent the rest of the time out making their way out on short campaigns to attack the enemy. And just like that, the Spirit whispered to me, "You are still in a season of preparation!". What?!? No...no...no. I don't think we are on the same page here God. I am saying Yes to you, I have made myself available and I want to step out into the deep, but I thought it would look different. Crisis!

My mind shifted at that moment to King David, living in the caves, in enemy territory, as he steered clear of Saul's wrath. So...I began reading the account from I Samuel and his response to God in the Psalms. He had also been living in a place of preparation. And in the midst of this reading, one verse jumped off the page to me. I Sam. 22:5, "Now the prophet Gad said to David, "Do not stay in the stronghold; depart, and go to the land of Judah." So David departed and went in to the forest of Hereth." Gad the prophet came to David and told him to leave the stronghold of the caves and to go into the Forest of Hereth. What?!? God spoke so clearly to me from one obscure verse.

God...I am broken, and so prone to giving up. I get discouraged so easily and have probably thrown up my hands saying, "I quit!" more than any other person I've known. I feel like I have such a weak love, and such an aggressive lust for the world and my own misfit ways. Couldn't I just be refined here in the cave? You met Elijah in the cave?

So here is the mystery that I have just begun to understand. See, all my life, it has been easy for me to live in the caves, protected, isolate, hidden away, hoping that all would be well. And although God, still had me living out of the caves (as a base camp), He was calling me to leave the comfort and do an even harder thing. Here's why...

The Hebrew meaning of the name Hereth is simply, "cut in to". Here I am still living in the caves, being prepared...and now God calls to me to do the hard work and not isolate myself, or hide myself away, and also calls me to the place of cutting away, expanding my horizons, and trusting Him to lead me. "Even though I walk through the valley..."

I think this directly deals with the old patterns and wilderness of my past. He is calling me to cut into it and in a way...face the crisis that this kind of work will bring in my life. In the past, when I have been called to the hard thing, I have shrunk back and hidden myself away. But in this season, I am crying out for the grace to embrace this thing that God is doing in me.

My answer is still, "YES!" I must do this thing! Help me Lord!

...a history with God...expectation oh'12

"I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame!

I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart.

Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.

Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in them.

Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.

Establish Your word to Your servant, who is devoted to fearing You.

Turn away my reproach which I dread, for Your judgments are good.

Behold, I long for Your precepts; revive me in Your righteousness

-Psalm 119: 31-40

So here it is the 6th day of Jan 2012…

As I neared the end of 2011, I can honestly say that I felt deep down that 2012 is a pivotal year. I also felt that I'm being drawn into a season of pushing out into the “deep”. So what does that look like?

A few years ago, I had a very profound dream that has stuck with me. I was in the deepest part of the sea, where the water is black and most intimidating. I was floating in the sea with small white-capped waves stirring all around me. I wasn't necessarily in a place of panic, but I was out of my comfort zone. I could literally feel the cold of the water and I was certainly in no position to stabilize myself or feel secure. I also remember thinking that I was in a place where this sea was at its deepest and I could certainly see no land. The words that came to mind as I laid there treading water was..."deep calls out to deep."

And that's where I find myself today...I am out of my comfort zone. I am face to face with some mindsets that have shaped my thinking, some habits or lifestyle choices that leave me wondering if they are what God has for my life. I also have the challenge of paradigm shifts that cause me to wonder what God is up to. I have also been in a season of confession and repentance.

As I consider all these things, I begin to feel overwhelmed. But here's what has happened. When I began to sift through all this with journaling and prayer, I cried out to God and asked him to order my life. And the Spirit of God came...

I felt him take me and calm me and simply say, "Behold!". Immediately Psalm 27:4 came to mind. And I actually received a measure of understanding.

It is God who will work it all out, in His way, in His plan, in His time.

So where will you find me this year?

...at the feet of Jesus (maybe a little wind-blown at times), but nonetheless, that's the place I must remain, abiding, waiting...BEHOLDING!

...a history with God...part 1

During the months of October and November, I began to experience a call of God to deal openly and honestly with areas of my heart and life in a greater level. To begin with I went through a time of repentance, where I responded to the Holy Spirit as he revealed areas that I needed to confess and make right.

I then began to look at my heart and life to determine what needed to change in me. I began to write out a journal I called “My Secret Life with God”. And during this time I began to understand that God was dealing directly with my heart, in a very personal way...loving me, wooing me to deeper intimacy with Him. It was a scary time, as I felt completely exposed and vulnerable to the Spirit of God. But it has been a precious time too, as I have realized deeper levels of His love and am enjoying being loved.

(It seems so deep to me at the time, but when I look back these steps forward seem to resemble a wading pool. Here is a part of my journal from November.)

5 things important to me:

1) To have a powerful, impacting and dynamic relationship with God...being one of the wise virgins (Matthew 25), devoted to loving God with ALL of me!

2) To have an impactful, strong and eternal relationship with my wife and children and to begin reconciling with parents and brothers.

3) To break off all the crud and sludge of life that breaks me down; discouraging, isolating and causing me to feel inadequate and having no self-worth.

4) To become financially free...to break off the shackles of debt and to be freely able to bless and produce fruit of the Kingdom.

5) To not shrink back from the faith. To be a man of integrity...with love and honesty live daily, to see the power of Kingdom living affect those I interact with. Those in my sphere of authority/responsibility.

5 things that need to change in my life:

1) To daily spend time in reading, meditating and dwelling in the word of God...to live a disciplined life of love for God and others through actively praying, worship, praying in the spirit, fasting, making disciples, and waiting on the HS.

2) To guard my heart by filtering what I watch and read (even the seemingly innocent things). No being the victim to repeated failures in addictive sin of pornography, masturbation and lust.

3) To practice living a Godly life by being patient and not reacting in anger.

4) To be practically frugal and disciplined in my spending practices. To continue to break the pattern of compulsive spending.

5) To spend time with my wife and children in honest, undivided, uninterrupted time. To build up the relationships that God has given me.

Within a month of writing these things down, I read the following from Chuck Pierce:

Israel was an example of a corporate group who had to overcome several things to enter the Promised Land. The following spiritual assignment will allow us to move forward into the fullness of God’s plan for our lives. Before you read further, make a list of old cycles. Now is the time to break from any old cycle that has held your promise and destiny in captivity. Declare that your Passover time of deliverance is now beginning. Ask God for signs, wonders, and miracles that will intervene in old cyclical structures of your life. Be secure in timing. Declare that everything in your past be repaired and restored so that your future can be unlocked. Look up and see the window of heaven that is opening over you. Gain victory in strategic warfare. Do not be afraid to ascend in worship. This is a time to experience God’s glory. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Ask God to open your eyes so you can see His glory. Make a list of promises. Even make a list of stirrings that have been in your heart that have never come to fullness. Let His presence direct you into the path of deliverance and Passover from captivity to freedom. Position yourself for your future. The best is ahead!

Amen...Amen! I believe and pray this over my life as I move to be totally in love with Jesus this year of 2012.

"Father...I expose my heart before you. I declare I trust you, I want you, I need you...I love you! Reveal to me your burning, faithful, unfailing, all-consuming love...enthrall me, enlarge every area of my heart to know you, strip away everything that hinders love! In Jesus’ name." Nov 5, 2011

A secret life exposed....

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

In the book of Matthew, there is a parable that has been the most poignant that I have ever read. It has stuck with me in and out of seasons. It has caused me a lot of deep thought and consideration...as well as prayer. It has also caused me to shake to my core when I consider the final end of the story.

It is the parable of the Ten Virgins.

I was profoundly struck today as I drove home from work. On 11-7, I posted about the re-dig that I had witnessed in our community around Wichita, as ponds, reservoirs, and other bodies of water had completely dried up...leaving nothing but dry, dusty bowls exposed...and about the re-digging of these bodies of water.

But today was a different story... Rain began falling last night and it poured most of the day. It was such a blessing to see the Winter rain pour down...drenching everything. But I was not expecting the sight I saw as I drove home. The water that soaked the ground and ran across the roads and flooded the fields was also filling the dry beds. I was deeply moved with amazement as I passed the first pond. It was overflowing. The second was the same...it was much larger (about 4x the size of the first) and it's banks were busting; a flock of Canada geese already enjoying a respite on it's surface. It was the same beautiful sight all the way home!

WOW...I was surprised...and oh so THANKFUL! And then the HS reminded me that God can do in one day, what could take a thousand (2Peter 3:8). And today, He had filled to overflowing the rivers, ponds, lakes and reservoirs. I think that it's also important to note that there was no difference in the size of the bed...ALL were filled to overflowing. AMAZING!

Only the grace of the Father can so quickly do something that we could never do. And even if we come with 2 fish and 5 loaves, He can do amazing things.

I believe the time is upon us, as the bride of Christ when we have to examine our hearts. Like the 10 virgins, we must inspect our lamps and make preparations for the return of the King of Kings. He will come to us like the rain, the latter and former rain (Hosea 6:3). This season of preparation I believe is called repentance, when we have the opportunity to lay our hearts bare before the HS and allow his cleansing work. A time to leave all others and to cling to The One. It is also a time to expand our banks and prepare for the overflow of His presence.

I believe strongly that the oil in the parable speaks of His presence. In this season of preparation, we must cultivate an intense and vibrant "secret life" with Jesus. We must make the time, and spend the energy in enjoying His presence and learning to hear His voice. I feel this was the determining factor that set the 5 wise virgins apart. I cannot tell you what this secret life looks like, except for myself. But it must involve the Word, prayer, and a great many other spiritual practices.

For me...it has involved soul-searching...allowing the HS to expose sin in my life and claim the ground as Holy unto the Lord. It has also involved quiet waiting prayer and journaling. I have spent time in fasting from food and things, to posture my heart for preparation. It has included long periods of worship and prayer...and has certainly been a season of many tears.

It has been a though time all around...but today, my heart is full. As the rain falls today, my heart is full. I must...I must press on to know this Lover of my soul, this Desire of Nations, This Prince of Peace. He is my ALL!

what I'm meant to be...

Are you who you were meant to be?

Your wildest dreams are not wild enough…wisdom is crying out to push past the usual, mundane way of living that I have so easily embraced and to rise up to the fresh and powerful move of God.

“The choice - become the person you were meant to be not the person you've allowed yourself to become.” Glenn Beck

“You doubt your value, don't run from who you are.” Aslan to Lucy, The Chronicles of Narnia Voyage of the Dawn Treader

“Abandon the ranger...become who you were meant to be.”
Lord Elron to Aragorn in Return of the King.

Cindy Jacobs "This is the season to cross over to your new life. Don't let your past mistakes frame your future. Time for your new beginning"

But this is not accomplished with vain attempts to change. Only the HS can carry me into the FULLNESS of His plans. It is the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation that does this work!

“We cannot kill the flesh with the flesh; no amount of willpower can take the place of the Holy Spirit.” –Cory Russell

“For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” Ephesians 1:15-23

X Rated

Warning...this post may be considered NC17 or maybe even X Rated.

The grippings of God...when he goes after a heart is amazing to me. Does He pick and choose? I do not know that answer to that question, but I am becoming more aware that God does choose to make Himself known to and through the broken, weak things of this world.

Rahab the harlot comes to mind (you know the great, great, great grandmother of King David...who was in the lineage of Jesus...makes for a really good scandal to have a prostitute for a relative, right?!?) Mary Magdeline also comes to mind (again, another scandalous individual who I like to call "Lady Love Much"). Both women swept up into relationships that could not have been anticipated.

First, Rahab...selling her body, making her wage by the hour...leading men (maybe women too) into adulterous and hedonistic acts. Keep in mind there is nothing new under the sun. She was called a harlot, making her living by participating in acts of sexual behavior that would only be defined as vile and idolatrous to a proper, upstanding individual. And on the day of her encounter with the living God, two men came knocking at her door. I wonder if she thought, "Bonus...double down!"? I don't know what went through her mind at first thought, but you can bet she didn't answer the door in her Sunday best and have tea and crackers waiting in the next room. Sure, she had heard the rumors of the Israelites at the river, but this didn't affect her business model. The more the merrier or how else would she provide for herself. She answered the door like any other time....heavy amounts of makeup, jewelry adoring every appendage, see-through silken clothing (if you could call it that) and intoxicating amounts of perfume....all the tools of the trade.

And there He was...face to face with this lady of the evening...in the red-light district...getting ready to interact with eternity. God came a callin'. How did someone so entrenched in the pleasures of the world, get marked as a candidate for the love of God? I'm sure it is a great mystery. One I'm trying to understand myself. Grace....mercy....destiny.

In Luke 7, we see another woman..."Lady Love Much". She did the most offensive thing that one can do in her position. Whether gripped by shame and embarrassment, we can only guess. But she used her worldly charms to "come on to Jesus." (or so it was perceived). She came just as she was, a prostitute, no pretense. And with the only skill she knew she acted; kissing his feet and washing them with her hair, she poured an entire jar of costly perfume on him. The intoxicating aroma filled the entire space. Everyone around Jesus and this Harlot knew exactly what had happened for days afterward. The fragrance of her act surrounding both of them like a pungent cloud. And there He was again...right in the heart of another scandal.

My point is this...I don't think God behaves any differently today. He still chooses to encounter us with the same love that He did to these two women. He is the same God who can reach us in the very act of sin: adultery, addiction to pornography, alcoholism, angry fits, anorexia...all sorts of sinful cravings or struggles. Mostly when we are not expecting Him...He comes to us. Just as we are, at the bar, beside the toilet, alone in our car, in the red light district...He's there; loving, interacting, setting plans, purposes and futures in motion. Grace, Mercy, Destiny!

1 Corinthians 1:21,26-31 (Message) says, "So where can you find someone truly wise, truly educated, truly intelligent in this day and age? Hasn't God exposed it all as pretentious nonsense? Since the world in all its fancy wisdom never had a clue when it came to knowing God, God in his wisdom took delight in using what the world considered dumb—preaching, of all things!—to bring those who trust him into the way of salvation.

Human wisdom is so tinny, so impotent, next to the seeming absurdity of God. Human strength can't begin to compete with God's "weakness."
Take a good look, friends, at who you were when you got called into this life. I don't see many of "the brightest and the best" among you, not many influential, not many from high-society families. Isn't it obvious that God deliberately chose men and women that the culture overlooks and exploits and abuses, chose these "nobodies" to expose the hollow pretensions of the "somebodies"? That makes it quite clear that none of you can get by with blowing your own horn before God. Everything that we have—right thinking and right living, a clean slate and a fresh start—comes from God by way of Jesus Christ. That's why we have the saying, "If you're going to blow a horn, blow a trumpet for God."

trans....it...ion

On my Facebook I have written under the "about me" section, "transition, transition, transition...what can I say?". That feels like the story of my life. I have gone from transition to transition. I can count 15 different houses I've lived in, in 7 different states and 2 countries. And minus KY, I have not lived in any one place more than 3 years.

Growing up, most of this was due to my family moving for church reasons...my father was a pastor.

Transition!

When we arrived in KY, where I spent most of my life, there was still a lot of transition. I was finishing high school, and headed off to boot camp with the USMC, and then I went to university. I was married while achieving my undergrad degree. And started a family and career. I moved 3 different times for my job with the airlines. And was unemployed 2 different times within an 11 month period. Whew...I forgot to tell you to take a breath...sorry.

Transition!

So this really is a theme of my life. Like a thread weaved in a tapestry, all these changes have been actively moving me to where I am now. For me...the word transition has been easily defined as a "verb". But I believe that is about to change...lol, another transition.

I believe that I am in a season of understanding this powerful force as a “noun”...as an event that results in transformation!

On Friday 11-11-11, my family went to an event at the Century II Center, that really delved into the prophetic and the positioning of the church. Dare I say it? The entire theme of this meeting was...yup, you guessed it. Transition! I would struggle to even begin to describe all that came out of this meeting. But I was convinced that I was not the only one in transition.

I believe that God is establishing a constance within the body. The HS has shown me at times how flaky I've been and how at times I've been off the charts with lows and highs. I believe my walk with the Lord has at times resembled the stock market, which lately has resembled a roller coaster.

And now the HS draws near and speaks to me, "Prepare a way for the Lord; make straight in the desert a highway for your God. Every valley shall be lifted up and every mountain and hill brought low; the crooked places shall be made straight and the rough places smooth; the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together; for the mouth of the Lord has spoken.”. Isa40.3. (paraphrased me). We are called out to prepare our hearts for the Lord, to remove all obstacles and see the glory of the Lord revealed as we are moved into the glory realms of understanding and living full lives.

The great truth?!? It’s all about Him...it’s for His glory...it’s “Christ in me” and “when I am weak, then I am strong”. The power and mystery of his grace in transition.