...a history with God...expectation oh'12

"I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame!

I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart.

Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.

Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in them.

Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.

Establish Your word to Your servant, who is devoted to fearing You.

Turn away my reproach which I dread, for Your judgments are good.

Behold, I long for Your precepts; revive me in Your righteousness

-Psalm 119: 31-40

So here it is the 6th day of Jan 2012…

As I neared the end of 2011, I can honestly say that I felt deep down that 2012 is a pivotal year. I also felt that I'm being drawn into a season of pushing out into the “deep”. So what does that look like?

A few years ago, I had a very profound dream that has stuck with me. I was in the deepest part of the sea, where the water is black and most intimidating. I was floating in the sea with small white-capped waves stirring all around me. I wasn't necessarily in a place of panic, but I was out of my comfort zone. I could literally feel the cold of the water and I was certainly in no position to stabilize myself or feel secure. I also remember thinking that I was in a place where this sea was at its deepest and I could certainly see no land. The words that came to mind as I laid there treading water was..."deep calls out to deep."

And that's where I find myself today...I am out of my comfort zone. I am face to face with some mindsets that have shaped my thinking, some habits or lifestyle choices that leave me wondering if they are what God has for my life. I also have the challenge of paradigm shifts that cause me to wonder what God is up to. I have also been in a season of confession and repentance.

As I consider all these things, I begin to feel overwhelmed. But here's what has happened. When I began to sift through all this with journaling and prayer, I cried out to God and asked him to order my life. And the Spirit of God came...

I felt him take me and calm me and simply say, "Behold!". Immediately Psalm 27:4 came to mind. And I actually received a measure of understanding.

It is God who will work it all out, in His way, in His plan, in His time.

So where will you find me this year?

...at the feet of Jesus (maybe a little wind-blown at times), but nonetheless, that's the place I must remain, abiding, waiting...BEHOLDING!

...a history with God...part 1

During the months of October and November, I began to experience a call of God to deal openly and honestly with areas of my heart and life in a greater level. To begin with I went through a time of repentance, where I responded to the Holy Spirit as he revealed areas that I needed to confess and make right.

I then began to look at my heart and life to determine what needed to change in me. I began to write out a journal I called “My Secret Life with God”. And during this time I began to understand that God was dealing directly with my heart, in a very personal way...loving me, wooing me to deeper intimacy with Him. It was a scary time, as I felt completely exposed and vulnerable to the Spirit of God. But it has been a precious time too, as I have realized deeper levels of His love and am enjoying being loved.

(It seems so deep to me at the time, but when I look back these steps forward seem to resemble a wading pool. Here is a part of my journal from November.)

5 things important to me:

1) To have a powerful, impacting and dynamic relationship with God...being one of the wise virgins (Matthew 25), devoted to loving God with ALL of me!

2) To have an impactful, strong and eternal relationship with my wife and children and to begin reconciling with parents and brothers.

3) To break off all the crud and sludge of life that breaks me down; discouraging, isolating and causing me to feel inadequate and having no self-worth.

4) To become financially free...to break off the shackles of debt and to be freely able to bless and produce fruit of the Kingdom.

5) To not shrink back from the faith. To be a man of integrity...with love and honesty live daily, to see the power of Kingdom living affect those I interact with. Those in my sphere of authority/responsibility.

5 things that need to change in my life:

1) To daily spend time in reading, meditating and dwelling in the word of God...to live a disciplined life of love for God and others through actively praying, worship, praying in the spirit, fasting, making disciples, and waiting on the HS.

2) To guard my heart by filtering what I watch and read (even the seemingly innocent things). No being the victim to repeated failures in addictive sin of pornography, masturbation and lust.

3) To practice living a Godly life by being patient and not reacting in anger.

4) To be practically frugal and disciplined in my spending practices. To continue to break the pattern of compulsive spending.

5) To spend time with my wife and children in honest, undivided, uninterrupted time. To build up the relationships that God has given me.

Within a month of writing these things down, I read the following from Chuck Pierce:

Israel was an example of a corporate group who had to overcome several things to enter the Promised Land. The following spiritual assignment will allow us to move forward into the fullness of God’s plan for our lives. Before you read further, make a list of old cycles. Now is the time to break from any old cycle that has held your promise and destiny in captivity. Declare that your Passover time of deliverance is now beginning. Ask God for signs, wonders, and miracles that will intervene in old cyclical structures of your life. Be secure in timing. Declare that everything in your past be repaired and restored so that your future can be unlocked. Look up and see the window of heaven that is opening over you. Gain victory in strategic warfare. Do not be afraid to ascend in worship. This is a time to experience God’s glory. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Ask God to open your eyes so you can see His glory. Make a list of promises. Even make a list of stirrings that have been in your heart that have never come to fullness. Let His presence direct you into the path of deliverance and Passover from captivity to freedom. Position yourself for your future. The best is ahead!

Amen...Amen! I believe and pray this over my life as I move to be totally in love with Jesus this year of 2012.

"Father...I expose my heart before you. I declare I trust you, I want you, I need you...I love you! Reveal to me your burning, faithful, unfailing, all-consuming love...enthrall me, enlarge every area of my heart to know you, strip away everything that hinders love! In Jesus’ name." Nov 5, 2011