...a history with God...part 1

During the months of October and November, I began to experience a call of God to deal openly and honestly with areas of my heart and life in a greater level. To begin with I went through a time of repentance, where I responded to the Holy Spirit as he revealed areas that I needed to confess and make right.

I then began to look at my heart and life to determine what needed to change in me. I began to write out a journal I called “My Secret Life with God”. And during this time I began to understand that God was dealing directly with my heart, in a very personal way...loving me, wooing me to deeper intimacy with Him. It was a scary time, as I felt completely exposed and vulnerable to the Spirit of God. But it has been a precious time too, as I have realized deeper levels of His love and am enjoying being loved.

(It seems so deep to me at the time, but when I look back these steps forward seem to resemble a wading pool. Here is a part of my journal from November.)

5 things important to me:

1) To have a powerful, impacting and dynamic relationship with God...being one of the wise virgins (Matthew 25), devoted to loving God with ALL of me!

2) To have an impactful, strong and eternal relationship with my wife and children and to begin reconciling with parents and brothers.

3) To break off all the crud and sludge of life that breaks me down; discouraging, isolating and causing me to feel inadequate and having no self-worth.

4) To become financially free...to break off the shackles of debt and to be freely able to bless and produce fruit of the Kingdom.

5) To not shrink back from the faith. To be a man of integrity...with love and honesty live daily, to see the power of Kingdom living affect those I interact with. Those in my sphere of authority/responsibility.

5 things that need to change in my life:

1) To daily spend time in reading, meditating and dwelling in the word of God...to live a disciplined life of love for God and others through actively praying, worship, praying in the spirit, fasting, making disciples, and waiting on the HS.

2) To guard my heart by filtering what I watch and read (even the seemingly innocent things). No being the victim to repeated failures in addictive sin of pornography, masturbation and lust.

3) To practice living a Godly life by being patient and not reacting in anger.

4) To be practically frugal and disciplined in my spending practices. To continue to break the pattern of compulsive spending.

5) To spend time with my wife and children in honest, undivided, uninterrupted time. To build up the relationships that God has given me.

Within a month of writing these things down, I read the following from Chuck Pierce:

Israel was an example of a corporate group who had to overcome several things to enter the Promised Land. The following spiritual assignment will allow us to move forward into the fullness of God’s plan for our lives. Before you read further, make a list of old cycles. Now is the time to break from any old cycle that has held your promise and destiny in captivity. Declare that your Passover time of deliverance is now beginning. Ask God for signs, wonders, and miracles that will intervene in old cyclical structures of your life. Be secure in timing. Declare that everything in your past be repaired and restored so that your future can be unlocked. Look up and see the window of heaven that is opening over you. Gain victory in strategic warfare. Do not be afraid to ascend in worship. This is a time to experience God’s glory. Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Ask God to open your eyes so you can see His glory. Make a list of promises. Even make a list of stirrings that have been in your heart that have never come to fullness. Let His presence direct you into the path of deliverance and Passover from captivity to freedom. Position yourself for your future. The best is ahead!

Amen...Amen! I believe and pray this over my life as I move to be totally in love with Jesus this year of 2012.

"Father...I expose my heart before you. I declare I trust you, I want you, I need you...I love you! Reveal to me your burning, faithful, unfailing, all-consuming love...enthrall me, enlarge every area of my heart to know you, strip away everything that hinders love! In Jesus’ name." Nov 5, 2011

A secret life exposed....

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

In the book of Matthew, there is a parable that has been the most poignant that I have ever read. It has stuck with me in and out of seasons. It has caused me a lot of deep thought and consideration...as well as prayer. It has also caused me to shake to my core when I consider the final end of the story.

It is the parable of the Ten Virgins.

I was profoundly struck today as I drove home from work. On 11-7, I posted about the re-dig that I had witnessed in our community around Wichita, as ponds, reservoirs, and other bodies of water had completely dried up...leaving nothing but dry, dusty bowls exposed...and about the re-digging of these bodies of water.

But today was a different story... Rain began falling last night and it poured most of the day. It was such a blessing to see the Winter rain pour down...drenching everything. But I was not expecting the sight I saw as I drove home. The water that soaked the ground and ran across the roads and flooded the fields was also filling the dry beds. I was deeply moved with amazement as I passed the first pond. It was overflowing. The second was the same...it was much larger (about 4x the size of the first) and it's banks were busting; a flock of Canada geese already enjoying a respite on it's surface. It was the same beautiful sight all the way home!

WOW...I was surprised...and oh so THANKFUL! And then the HS reminded me that God can do in one day, what could take a thousand (2Peter 3:8). And today, He had filled to overflowing the rivers, ponds, lakes and reservoirs. I think that it's also important to note that there was no difference in the size of the bed...ALL were filled to overflowing. AMAZING!

Only the grace of the Father can so quickly do something that we could never do. And even if we come with 2 fish and 5 loaves, He can do amazing things.

I believe the time is upon us, as the bride of Christ when we have to examine our hearts. Like the 10 virgins, we must inspect our lamps and make preparations for the return of the King of Kings. He will come to us like the rain, the latter and former rain (Hosea 6:3). This season of preparation I believe is called repentance, when we have the opportunity to lay our hearts bare before the HS and allow his cleansing work. A time to leave all others and to cling to The One. It is also a time to expand our banks and prepare for the overflow of His presence.

I believe strongly that the oil in the parable speaks of His presence. In this season of preparation, we must cultivate an intense and vibrant "secret life" with Jesus. We must make the time, and spend the energy in enjoying His presence and learning to hear His voice. I feel this was the determining factor that set the 5 wise virgins apart. I cannot tell you what this secret life looks like, except for myself. But it must involve the Word, prayer, and a great many other spiritual practices.

For me...it has involved soul-searching...allowing the HS to expose sin in my life and claim the ground as Holy unto the Lord. It has also involved quiet waiting prayer and journaling. I have spent time in fasting from food and things, to posture my heart for preparation. It has included long periods of worship and prayer...and has certainly been a season of many tears.

It has been a though time all around...but today, my heart is full. As the rain falls today, my heart is full. I must...I must press on to know this Lover of my soul, this Desire of Nations, This Prince of Peace. He is my ALL!

what I'm meant to be...

Are you who you were meant to be?

Your wildest dreams are not wild enough…wisdom is crying out to push past the usual, mundane way of living that I have so easily embraced and to rise up to the fresh and powerful move of God.

“The choice - become the person you were meant to be not the person you've allowed yourself to become.” Glenn Beck

“You doubt your value, don't run from who you are.” Aslan to Lucy, The Chronicles of Narnia Voyage of the Dawn Treader

“Abandon the ranger...become who you were meant to be.”
Lord Elron to Aragorn in Return of the King.

Cindy Jacobs "This is the season to cross over to your new life. Don't let your past mistakes frame your future. Time for your new beginning"

But this is not accomplished with vain attempts to change. Only the HS can carry me into the FULLNESS of His plans. It is the Spirit of Wisdom and Revelation that does this work!

“We cannot kill the flesh with the flesh; no amount of willpower can take the place of the Holy Spirit.” –Cory Russell

“For this reason I too, having heard of the faith in the Lord Jesus which exists among you and your love for all the saints, do not cease giving thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers; that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give to you a spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of Him. I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened, so that you will know what is the hope of His calling, what are the riches of the glory of His inheritance in the saints, and what is the surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe. These are in accordance with the working of the strength of His might which He brought about in Christ, when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at His right hand in the heavenly places, far above all rule and authority and power and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this age but also in the one to come. And He put all things in subjection under His feet, and gave Him as head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.” Ephesians 1:15-23