...a history with God...expectation oh'12, ii

"Never let a good crisis go to waste" -Rahm Emanuel

I first heard this phrase used about 2 years ago when surfing the news (bit of a news junkie here). The economy was tanking, oil prices were shooting through the roof, turmoil all over the world...and I was only mildly freak'd out (haha). My reaction went something like this..."That's just what those flaming liberals want for us, so they can re-make our society and rewrite the rules."

But my paradigm began to shift near the end of December '11. I started to feel challenged that I was living too cautiously, too carefully, too calculated! Like the picture above (and from my last post). I was living "safe". The crisis was out there. It was as close as moving from the shallow waters to the dark of the deep sea.

I felt the HS call me to fast during the first 21 days of the the new year. It was probably one of the most difficult fasts I remember being on. The HS was turning my world upside down, challenging strongholds in my mind and comfort levels of my heart. And so far this year...I have been experiencing a "crisis" of sorts.

Many days I have crawled like a worm back into my shell and some days I have trumpeted my surrender. But in each case, in and out of days...my answer has been a resounding "Yes" to the Spirit of God.

On Tuesday, January 17th, I sat crumpled on the floor in my secret place, crying out to God. "What gives...is this all you have for me? Why can't I seem to break through? I am overwhelmed when thinking about Moses, Abraham, Daniel, etc... Are you listening right now...cause I'm having a crisis here, God!"

Immediately a scene from the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie, "Return of the King" flashed through my mind: http://youtu.be/AvFB3P-9XcQ

The Rangers of Ithilien, had made their stealthy advance into Mordor. They were living in caves, protected and concealed from the enemy and spent the rest of the time out making their way out on short campaigns to attack the enemy. And just like that, the Spirit whispered to me, "You are still in a season of preparation!". What?!? No...no...no. I don't think we are on the same page here God. I am saying Yes to you, I have made myself available and I want to step out into the deep, but I thought it would look different. Crisis!

My mind shifted at that moment to King David, living in the caves, in enemy territory, as he steered clear of Saul's wrath. So...I began reading the account from I Samuel and his response to God in the Psalms. He had also been living in a place of preparation. And in the midst of this reading, one verse jumped off the page to me. I Sam. 22:5, "Now the prophet Gad said to David, "Do not stay in the stronghold; depart, and go to the land of Judah." So David departed and went in to the forest of Hereth." Gad the prophet came to David and told him to leave the stronghold of the caves and to go into the Forest of Hereth. What?!? God spoke so clearly to me from one obscure verse.

God...I am broken, and so prone to giving up. I get discouraged so easily and have probably thrown up my hands saying, "I quit!" more than any other person I've known. I feel like I have such a weak love, and such an aggressive lust for the world and my own misfit ways. Couldn't I just be refined here in the cave? You met Elijah in the cave?

So here is the mystery that I have just begun to understand. See, all my life, it has been easy for me to live in the caves, protected, isolate, hidden away, hoping that all would be well. And although God, still had me living out of the caves (as a base camp), He was calling me to leave the comfort and do an even harder thing. Here's why...

The Hebrew meaning of the name Hereth is simply, "cut in to". Here I am still living in the caves, being prepared...and now God calls to me to do the hard work and not isolate myself, or hide myself away, and also calls me to the place of cutting away, expanding my horizons, and trusting Him to lead me. "Even though I walk through the valley..."

I think this directly deals with the old patterns and wilderness of my past. He is calling me to cut into it and in a way...face the crisis that this kind of work will bring in my life. In the past, when I have been called to the hard thing, I have shrunk back and hidden myself away. But in this season, I am crying out for the grace to embrace this thing that God is doing in me.

My answer is still, "YES!" I must do this thing! Help me Lord!

...a history with God...expectation oh'12

"I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame!

I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart.

Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.

Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in them.

Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.

Establish Your word to Your servant, who is devoted to fearing You.

Turn away my reproach which I dread, for Your judgments are good.

Behold, I long for Your precepts; revive me in Your righteousness

-Psalm 119: 31-40

So here it is the 6th day of Jan 2012…

As I neared the end of 2011, I can honestly say that I felt deep down that 2012 is a pivotal year. I also felt that I'm being drawn into a season of pushing out into the “deep”. So what does that look like?

A few years ago, I had a very profound dream that has stuck with me. I was in the deepest part of the sea, where the water is black and most intimidating. I was floating in the sea with small white-capped waves stirring all around me. I wasn't necessarily in a place of panic, but I was out of my comfort zone. I could literally feel the cold of the water and I was certainly in no position to stabilize myself or feel secure. I also remember thinking that I was in a place where this sea was at its deepest and I could certainly see no land. The words that came to mind as I laid there treading water was..."deep calls out to deep."

And that's where I find myself today...I am out of my comfort zone. I am face to face with some mindsets that have shaped my thinking, some habits or lifestyle choices that leave me wondering if they are what God has for my life. I also have the challenge of paradigm shifts that cause me to wonder what God is up to. I have also been in a season of confession and repentance.

As I consider all these things, I begin to feel overwhelmed. But here's what has happened. When I began to sift through all this with journaling and prayer, I cried out to God and asked him to order my life. And the Spirit of God came...

I felt him take me and calm me and simply say, "Behold!". Immediately Psalm 27:4 came to mind. And I actually received a measure of understanding.

It is God who will work it all out, in His way, in His plan, in His time.

So where will you find me this year?

...at the feet of Jesus (maybe a little wind-blown at times), but nonetheless, that's the place I must remain, abiding, waiting...BEHOLDING!