...what do you see?

Spent some time this morning, just reading in the word and listening to worship music...and reflecting on the past month, season, and year.

The flower arrangement on the table stood out to me as I read Isaiah 42:3-4 (msg)....

"He won't brush aside the bruised and the hurt
and he won't disregard the small and insignificant,
but he'll steadily and firmly set things right.
He won't tire out and quit. He won't be stopped
until he's finished his work—to set things right on earth."

We all have different perspectives and each carry a very different view of life with us as we go about our daily lives. But this is what I immediately observed.

The flowers hadn't really stood out to me as anything other than a nice table setting, until I look more carefully. And what I saw was very different when I took the time to look and gave it my attention.

As I'm sure you are already aware...this beautiful arrangement is complete with broken and withered flowers.

This stirs me...with a mix of emotions. How is it that no one has cared for all the flowers in this vase? How is it that some of the flowers expired without care?

Well...as a man who has walked in a measure of sexual brokenness that left me feeling both rejected and feeling hopeless, this continues to stir me. The tenderness of the passage above washes over me, setting me on a path of knowing love in it's truest form. And as God restores an identity that is rooted and grounded in Him, it has been good.

But I still feel the dissatisfied call of my soul as I cry out for more Lord, more! There must be more. I would call it fullness...Being one with the One; feeling what He feels, going where he goes, seeing as He sees, and loving as He loves.

There are broken and bruised people all around us...some would seem to be already beyond hope. But I believe, for the one who is willing, Jesus will show us the bruised and hurt, the small and insignificant, and we will have a choice.

When we allow the HS to order our world, we will have the eyes to see and the love to love. To reach beyond ourselves and love these wounded ones.

Am I willing...are you?

dense like a forest...which is justlikecamping (I'll explain sometime)

"...and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. ² Then He opened His mouth and taught them..." Matt. 5:1-2

So far, I feel like I'm downloading Windows 8 or have the new iPad3, and they aren't even out yet, so that's saying a lot!

I have been convinced of one thing lately, and that is...I must KNOW Jesus Christ. And knowing involves interaction from me and him. So this is what he has been showing me this week. On Sunday I heard a message online from my good friend Timothy David Miller, speaking from Matthew 4. It was very good!

Well I didn't intentionally go there on Monday morning, but God took me there, when I was abruptly awakened at 4:20, when my German Shorthair proceeded to bound on me. She usually sleeps on the floor by the foot of the bed...but something had surprised her and I immediately found her standing on top of me. I noticed that she was obviously shaken when I got her off of me and onto the carpet. I glanced at my clock to see what time it was...4:20. Ugghh! I laid back down, but could not get back to sleep.

What was that about?

Like Samuel, I tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail...I couldn't shake it. I think an angel must have poked her, because I needed to get up for an encounter with God. So, instead of rolling over, I just laid there praying. And what came next was amazing to me. I had an impression to search 4:20 out in the Gospels. And that began to take me where I am today.

I will let you read it for yourself, but what stood out to me, and impacted me so clearly was Matt. 4:20. Meditating on Matthew 4 and 5 have now transfixed me.

In the context of Matthew 4, Jesus has a wilderness experience, a 40 day fast and a visit from the devil. And ends the chapter by calling out the disciples as he begins his ministry years. Then 5:1 happens. Mostly I have read past it so quickly that I've missed it, but have wondered before about one thought...so let me share...

"...and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. ² Then He opened His mouth and taught them..."

Of all phrases to put in there. Of course he was going to speak...that's one way we communicate. How else would he impart truth to them. And that's when it struck me. I guess he didn't have to. He is God. He could have done a number of things.

-He could have had ministry time and laid hands on them and they could have ROFL'd getting healed of junk in their lives.

-He could have written a letter and filled all in the blanks of their mundane living.

-He could have done some amazing miracle to wow and astonish them, convincing them He was the one to follow.

-He could have done like David and sang a beautiful ballad; imparting truth.

-He could make a divine moment for them all and open Heaven and let them know all the truths and mysteries of the universe.

..but for some reason he choose to sit and teach them. I know it is about relationship, but there's more. The first part of the verse says that after he was seated, that the disciples came to him. Now that's awesome!

So I see 2 major truths in this one line...

I COME and HE SPEAKS!

There's an awesome mystery in our willingness to come to him, in a posture of rest (sitting) that allows us to connect with the One who holds the Words of Wisdom, as He speaks truth into us. And that is precious to me.

God is speaking...do I hear his voice? I choose first to come and listen!

a mysterious 444

Here is one photo proof of the amazing 444 mystery. This was taken Friday Feb 17th, 2012...more to follow.

....so what's the significance of...

Deja Vu? Coincidence? Planets lined up? The Age of Aquarius? Probably not, but I just gotta know. I can't be the only one that experiences this stuff.

I have clearly been in a place of seeing, hearing, reading, experiencing, etc the numbers 444.

I will be out at the store and grab a box of something or whatever and the price is $4.44.
A movie will end and I look down at my iPhone to check the time and yep it's 4:44.
I will drive past a billboard and glace at it randomly and it promotes the address 444 ____.
I punch the clock from work, with a timestamp...4:44.
I wake up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, 4:44.
I pay a bill for $4.44.
In 2012, my birthday was on the 4th day, and I turned 44. 444.
Today I watched a YouTube video that my friend Taylor Pool posted on FB and yep, you guessed it. It was 4.44 minutes long.

This "random" 444 has been happening a ton to me for about 4 years. (ha...you though I'd say 4 yrs, 4 months and 4 days....444...nope). It is the craziest series of numbers that I've ever experienced in my life.

And I simply shared about 8 different times that this has happened. But I would venture to say, it happens about 3-4 times a week. Maybe even 444 times to date...haha.

I know what I think God is saying to me through these encounters, but I'm wondering if others experience these same things. I don't place a lot of stock in numbers, I'm not going to go play the lotto, unless it's for 444 million :).

And except for a Biblical meaning, you know like the number 7 equating with perfection, Daniel and his prophetic dream, 666 and more from the book of Revelation, even Gideon and his 300 men, etc...I believe numbers are important to God, but I don't really try to develop a theology concerning them. And maybe my mind plays a little bit of a trick on me with the clock time. But I became convinced a long time ago that God was speaking to me. There was too much of a "coincidence" happening.

Anyone else find themselves in the same place? Numbers, colors, objects? I had a similar thing happen for years over a dime. I would find dimes, face up, in the most seemingly randomly, isolated places.

I believe strongly that God speaks to us all the time. He is intimately and intently involved in our lives. And probably one joy of his heart is to speak in mysteries and riddles. So back to my original thought.

When, where, and how is God speaking to you? He is still speaking!

...hates others...ouch...harsh!

Five years ago, I bought an album that has meant a lot to me. Ian Mcintosh, "Awakened". I believe the HS knew the impact that it would have on my life, especially the smolder of my heart. I have listened to this album more than I can count, but the lyrics jumped from the song into my soul yesterday...and the simple words pierced me. Was it the symbolism? Maybe some of that...as it was a cold and snowy evening and the fire in the fireplace warmed me. I believe it probably was timing. The HS ministered to me as the words rolled around in my mind and soaked down into the recesses of my heart. Let me share them with you. http://youtu.be/_evxigAcEJo

"The faintest touch from the One I long for
warms me like a hot fire on a cold Winter night

I am His and He is mine, I am His and He is mine
I am fully loved!

This is the One I long for, He gives me the reason to live
In His arms He holds me

I am His and He is mine, I am His and He is mine
I am fully loved!

You're all I need
There's no other love I know it's You."

I can see that the Father has had me on a journey of restoring the 1st Commandment, "You shall love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength" in my life. As I think back, He has been bringing me through seasons of great repentance and restoration; teaching and training; fullness and thankfulness. I have seen my heart grow and endure the battles of living behind my eyes. And deep love is being restored...to the places that seemed dead, lifeless and beyond hope.

And now, I have been coming face to face with the 2nd Commandment...relationship with others. And it terrifies me! "Love others as yourself." WOW...cool stuff, but like a toddler just introduced to strained peas...I'm grimacing and gagging just a bit. Only because, I am discovering that I really don't do relationship well. I'm trying to remember, but did that get checked on my Elementary report card "Plays well with others"?

Inevitably, I am sure that somehow, as I say "Yes" to God, that He will place me in situations that will grow and stretch me.

I John 4:20-20 (Message) says, "If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both."

But I don't hate...right?!? Well, that's something I am working out with the HS, as He deals with my heart. What challenges me is this: How can I love God (rightly) when I can't see Him, and not love others, whom I see in the natural. I interact with them in so many ways: attend church, work, drive by, eat next to, speak with, and so on...but somehow the value is lost. This is not where I want to be.

Misty Edwards sings about the inside, outside, upside-down kingdom. The Kingdom of God...where I pray His will and purpose be done on Earth, as in Heaven. Well...here it is...His plan and purpose pulling me inside out.

Thank you, Father for fully loving me! I come, humbled and broken to you! Perfect me in love!

...a history with God...expectation oh'12, ii

"Never let a good crisis go to waste" -Rahm Emanuel

I first heard this phrase used about 2 years ago when surfing the news (bit of a news junkie here). The economy was tanking, oil prices were shooting through the roof, turmoil all over the world...and I was only mildly freak'd out (haha). My reaction went something like this..."That's just what those flaming liberals want for us, so they can re-make our society and rewrite the rules."

But my paradigm began to shift near the end of December '11. I started to feel challenged that I was living too cautiously, too carefully, too calculated! Like the picture above (and from my last post). I was living "safe". The crisis was out there. It was as close as moving from the shallow waters to the dark of the deep sea.

I felt the HS call me to fast during the first 21 days of the the new year. It was probably one of the most difficult fasts I remember being on. The HS was turning my world upside down, challenging strongholds in my mind and comfort levels of my heart. And so far this year...I have been experiencing a "crisis" of sorts.

Many days I have crawled like a worm back into my shell and some days I have trumpeted my surrender. But in each case, in and out of days...my answer has been a resounding "Yes" to the Spirit of God.

On Tuesday, January 17th, I sat crumpled on the floor in my secret place, crying out to God. "What gives...is this all you have for me? Why can't I seem to break through? I am overwhelmed when thinking about Moses, Abraham, Daniel, etc... Are you listening right now...cause I'm having a crisis here, God!"

Immediately a scene from the 3rd Lord of the Rings movie, "Return of the King" flashed through my mind: http://youtu.be/AvFB3P-9XcQ

The Rangers of Ithilien, had made their stealthy advance into Mordor. They were living in caves, protected and concealed from the enemy and spent the rest of the time out making their way out on short campaigns to attack the enemy. And just like that, the Spirit whispered to me, "You are still in a season of preparation!". What?!? No...no...no. I don't think we are on the same page here God. I am saying Yes to you, I have made myself available and I want to step out into the deep, but I thought it would look different. Crisis!

My mind shifted at that moment to King David, living in the caves, in enemy territory, as he steered clear of Saul's wrath. So...I began reading the account from I Samuel and his response to God in the Psalms. He had also been living in a place of preparation. And in the midst of this reading, one verse jumped off the page to me. I Sam. 22:5, "Now the prophet Gad said to David, "Do not stay in the stronghold; depart, and go to the land of Judah." So David departed and went in to the forest of Hereth." Gad the prophet came to David and told him to leave the stronghold of the caves and to go into the Forest of Hereth. What?!? God spoke so clearly to me from one obscure verse.

God...I am broken, and so prone to giving up. I get discouraged so easily and have probably thrown up my hands saying, "I quit!" more than any other person I've known. I feel like I have such a weak love, and such an aggressive lust for the world and my own misfit ways. Couldn't I just be refined here in the cave? You met Elijah in the cave?

So here is the mystery that I have just begun to understand. See, all my life, it has been easy for me to live in the caves, protected, isolate, hidden away, hoping that all would be well. And although God, still had me living out of the caves (as a base camp), He was calling me to leave the comfort and do an even harder thing. Here's why...

The Hebrew meaning of the name Hereth is simply, "cut in to". Here I am still living in the caves, being prepared...and now God calls to me to do the hard work and not isolate myself, or hide myself away, and also calls me to the place of cutting away, expanding my horizons, and trusting Him to lead me. "Even though I walk through the valley..."

I think this directly deals with the old patterns and wilderness of my past. He is calling me to cut into it and in a way...face the crisis that this kind of work will bring in my life. In the past, when I have been called to the hard thing, I have shrunk back and hidden myself away. But in this season, I am crying out for the grace to embrace this thing that God is doing in me.

My answer is still, "YES!" I must do this thing! Help me Lord!

...a history with God...expectation oh'12

"I cling to Your testimonies; O LORD, do not put me to shame!

I will run the course of Your commandments, for You shall enlarge my heart.

Teach me, O LORD, the way of Your statutes, and I shall keep it to the end.

Give me understanding, and I shall keep Your law; indeed, I shall observe it with my whole heart.

Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in them.

Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness.

Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way.

Establish Your word to Your servant, who is devoted to fearing You.

Turn away my reproach which I dread, for Your judgments are good.

Behold, I long for Your precepts; revive me in Your righteousness

-Psalm 119: 31-40

So here it is the 6th day of Jan 2012…

As I neared the end of 2011, I can honestly say that I felt deep down that 2012 is a pivotal year. I also felt that I'm being drawn into a season of pushing out into the “deep”. So what does that look like?

A few years ago, I had a very profound dream that has stuck with me. I was in the deepest part of the sea, where the water is black and most intimidating. I was floating in the sea with small white-capped waves stirring all around me. I wasn't necessarily in a place of panic, but I was out of my comfort zone. I could literally feel the cold of the water and I was certainly in no position to stabilize myself or feel secure. I also remember thinking that I was in a place where this sea was at its deepest and I could certainly see no land. The words that came to mind as I laid there treading water was..."deep calls out to deep."

And that's where I find myself today...I am out of my comfort zone. I am face to face with some mindsets that have shaped my thinking, some habits or lifestyle choices that leave me wondering if they are what God has for my life. I also have the challenge of paradigm shifts that cause me to wonder what God is up to. I have also been in a season of confession and repentance.

As I consider all these things, I begin to feel overwhelmed. But here's what has happened. When I began to sift through all this with journaling and prayer, I cried out to God and asked him to order my life. And the Spirit of God came...

I felt him take me and calm me and simply say, "Behold!". Immediately Psalm 27:4 came to mind. And I actually received a measure of understanding.

It is God who will work it all out, in His way, in His plan, in His time.

So where will you find me this year?

...at the feet of Jesus (maybe a little wind-blown at times), but nonetheless, that's the place I must remain, abiding, waiting...BEHOLDING!