CONSTANT.

So this weeks has been a bit challenging...

After God opened me up to dealing with some deep-rooted and painful issues of bitterness, I kinda went in a tail spin and felt discouraged and unsure of myself.  Maybe even acted a little braty. I wasn’t walking in complete disobedience and unfaithfulness?  But I was feeling discouraged and down. And really tried to isolate myself from everyone.

Tuesday morning (after about 3 days of struggle) I felt like the HS was kindly dealing with my heart.  I could sense that he was dealing with me to be prepared for what was next.  As if preparation was what I needed. I could picture myself hiding among the baggage (I Sam 10:22), sullen and rejected (really, baggage was a good way to describe this). Like Saul, I was face to face with my inadequacy, insecurity and feeling like I didn’t measure up.

No, but really...it was pretty bad.  

So this is where I am in the journey. God is preparing the heart of his children. In the face of adversity, confusion, fear, turmoil, depression and more...God is preparing a steadfast testimony to his love and grace within us; his bride.  We find ourselves in a place of weakness and emptiness. So we must press in to a quiet, sure, and consistent posture of knowing Him.

When the economic institutions fail, and they will...what will fail within me? When government systems and politics erode into anarchy...where will I find stability? Will there be any part of me that is dependent on the programs, patterns and plans of this world.

When I weigh my personal likes and desires in this same scale, I think that is where I am found to be the most wanting. Temporal desires, wants and thrills make up the rest of this. The constant need to be entertained: ipods, movies, games, music, etc... And the constant need to be filled with the temporal: foods, sleep, and those other things that seemingly fill and satisfy the senses (I know these are all necessary for living, but hopefully you get what I'm saying...these things aren't a god).

The word that stands out to me in all this is “constant”. My constant has been easily categorized as a hyper-active, ad-hd, over-stimulated, over-sugared, over-indulged child. When you boil it down and look at it full in the face, it’s like looking into the eyes of a pouty, spoiled child.

But this will not do. I must press in...and find the place of rest and steadfastness. Wow...it’s not easy. I feel very vulnerable and exposed.

Father, I pray that you will strengthen my weak heart and mind. Trim off the dead branches and cause me to dwell within you. You are my strength, my hope, my desire. There is no other one, thing or want that compares to you. Let me abide in you, and dwell in the richness of your word. Consume me in the fire of your passion and let me remain in your goodness. I want to bless you! In Jesus’ name...Amen!