Beast! (a poem)

This is about as raw as it gets. In a more desperate and depressed time in my life, writing this helped me get the feelings and emotion out. I do not find myself at this same desperate point in my life at this moment...but I do find unfinished, undone areas of my heart need to touch of a Savior. I have many times told my children, "You never fail any of God's tests...He always gives you a chance to take them again, so you can pass." I guess I'm taking some of my own medicine right now.

Beast-
Not so long ago, I lived life in a pit.
Shovel and pick in hand, I dug down deep...past clay, root and stone; I dug.
This hole would never be deep enough, for you see it was punishment.
Punishment for sin.
A debt that I owed that I could never repay.
Deeper I dug, past 5, 10, 15 feet...on and on!
The light above me chocking me as I disappeared.

Outside the pit, I could hear the voices of men and women.
Some knew I was there...for you see, for them, this was JUSTICE.
And some did not know, but if they had, they would have only shaken their heads in sad, sad sorrow.
None regarded my state, and slowly I began to give no regard to myself.
Swirling emotions poured over me, drenching me...mired.
Cold and chilled to the bone, I pulled the ragged garments around me
...guilt, shame, loathing, bitterness were my only clothing now.

In this cell of hopelessness, no one saw and no one knew
Could anything bring relief to the voices that filled my head...anyone?
"You deserve all of this", "I wish I could hurt you more", "You've ruined everything"
These curses seared into my mind, scarred my heart.
Branded and marked, now I was nothing more than a beast of burden.
...more like a beast!"

This poem marked me at a time when I felt pretty hopeless.  But God is a Faithful Father.  The One who created me, knew me and I was changed!  Life and light set me free!

Dark but Lovely

http://youtu.be/QyojhQjTt0M

"I cant understand this work of grace,
How a perfect God, would come and take my place!

Stars, they don't move You,
Waves, can't undo You,
Mountains, in their splendor, they cannot steal Your heart!

This God who is holy,
Perfect in Beauty!
Awesome in Glory!
Is ravished by my heart!

Though I'm poor, You say, "I am lovely."
Though I'm dark, You say, "I am beautiful."

Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed You
And somehow my weak love has stolen away Your heart."

Words by Sarah Edwards.

I have been awed and struck by the words of these words, once again. I feels like I come with such broken, selfish and immature love to the Lord. It's all I have! And even the moments when I feel on top of the mountain (though few and far between), somehow pale in comparison when Jesus starts loving on me.

I am simply stilled and quieted with the amazing love of the Father, as He says over me. "Graham, even the weak glance, of your tear-stained face overwhelms me. Your love for me, although small and weak has stolen away my heart. You are beautiful to me...I love you!"