a look back...for those who know...Hollow Man (a poem)

I really felt that I needed to post this poem from my past. This was written at a time when I was feeling the lowest and most distant I think I could have gone from the loving arms of my Savior. I pray and hope that this will reach some soul tonight. It is a sober and bleak poem, but one that defined how I felt at the time. I couldn't see it then, but Jesus was there, with me...in the darkest place.

There is hope in Christ for those wrestling with addiction, for those bound with sexual sin and sexual brokenness.  You may be crying out for help in the quiet place where no one else sees. There is One who sees your tears, feels your desperate cries and loves you with an everlasting love. He feels exactly what you feel and knows you at the deepest levels!

Hollow Man

And as I stare, longing yet empty handed still. 
I have desperately wanted the thing I dared not pursue,
The passion that I had so forcefully declined and the love that I was sure I did not deserve.
This shadow of heartache now falls; 
Slowly at first, creeping, quietly consuming every path it crosses.

Inclined to run, I cannot;
Paralysis has gripped every muscle, 
And I am hopeless to escape this consuming blot.
Eluded, robbed and feeling like a scorned lover,
I admit my own personal defeat.


I am helpless to fight anymore,
What I have been all along;
I clump in a pile and fade to a posture of release.
And as this tunnel of darkness surrounds me I feel hollow; 
Empty inside.
Devoid inside and out, 
I am simply a shell of a man.
Consumed now, I have become a thing, 
That I have been fearful to define; 
To feel...to accept...to love.

And I am lost, like a child in a wood!
I can longer tell if my eyes are open or closed; 
So real, this darkness has surrounded me. 
It is me!
I can feel it, wrapping its coldness around me, 
Touching my skin, filling each breath...making me one of it's own. Dark!
To the deepest part of me now it spills,
And I feel hopeless to fight any longer...
....I am a Hollow Man!