...June 26, 2009

I had a random recall today that took me back to almost three years ago. I don't know really where this is going, but I recall how important this was at the time.

Do you remember where, when and what you were doing when you heard news that Michael Jackson had passed away? I was at home watching the news and the time stamp that marked my mind when the news broke was 3:15 pm. It was not anything momentous at the time, except to say that like the rest of the world, I was mesmerized.

In what seemed like a split second a mass of thoughts flooded my mind:

-this man had left an indelible mark on the world and across generations of listeners.

-his world was rocked by scandle as he was accursed of sexual activity with small children.

-he had such a troubled life that could not be resisted (like watching a train wreck happening).

....and so on.

And as I sat there with my rapid fire thoughts, I found myself judging and even condemning the man as if I had room to point. And at that same time, God dealt directly with my heart. I felt strongly impressed to look up John 3:15 (matching the time).

Well sure, that should be easy enough, right?!? I certainly was familiar with the passage of Nicodemus visiting Jesus at night and had memorized John 3:16 at an early age...but what was this about. So I grabbed my Bible and opened to the verse. What happened next both humbled me and cause me to call out for forgiveness. The verse reads:

"...that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:15 NKJV)

Wow...okay, now God had my attention. I was shocked! And immediately came an impression, "What is it to you if I choose to save Michael Jackson in the final moments?". And I became completely compelled to believe that in the final minutes of life that Jesus had interacted with Michael with such love and compassion as to have saved him. And that Michael, may have called out in his dying breath for God to save him.  I do not truly know, but Father God is a pretty big God.  

I'm still stunned when I think about it.

Jesus made it clear in scripture that it was the sick that needed him, not that he had come to call the unrighteousness to repentance...Luke 5:32. And as dramatically, Jesus interacted with a dying thief, while he hung on a cross and promised him life in paradise. Wow!

So what's my point? Simply this...

There are a lot of wounded people around us that need to know the light of His presence. And it could very well be that words, love, influence and relationship could be making it possible for us to impact someone else for eternity. It would be easy to judge and conclude what we see in the natural, but we might be surprised by what God hears and sees in the heart.

Thank you Father for grace!

...when expectation meets reality...

So where do you find yourself today? I have gone through a few challenges in the past 24 hours, past week, past month...mainly how do I respond to the HS when he is changing paradigms in my life. It's been tough, but good!

I feel like I've been in a season where Yahweh has been establishing his leadership in my life. It has been a time of allowing the HS to examine my heart, motives, loves and surrendering them to Him. It has been a time of burning up the wood, hay and stubble. I Corinthians 3 reveals some of what I'm talking about. "11 For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. 12 Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, 13 each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. 14 If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. 15 If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire."

I don't know that I can communicate clearly the swell of emotions I feel in my heart...as I've said before...It's been tough, but good!

I described this to my friend Becca Potter awhile back, by saying that I feel like I've been in a season of "pregnancy" and that many times in the past I have failed to trust God at the HOW in my life. And that I felt, as I looked back, that those moments were like a "still birth". Becca presented a different perspective that surprised me when she said it. She wondered if those seasons were times that God has used to stretch me. To prepare me. Just like a woman's body changes to allow for the birth of a beautiful new baby. And in fact weren't still births at all.

And this has stayed with me...swirling just upon the surface of these hard times. And it has been a sweet reminder to me. I went on a fiery walk at midnight the other night as I was processing things with my wife, family and Abba. I was being stretched to what I felt was a breaking point. And as the walk ended about an hour later, I had a sweet revelation from the Lord. What do I want to hear from Him. What are the most important words that could rest so sweetly on my ears? I reflected on the parable of the talents. And prayed out that I may be found faithful to the Father with every aspect of my life. I want to be a wise one who will have loved Him completely! I want to find the secret treasures of His heart...the gold, silver and precious stones! I want to continue to wrestle with this "self" and allow Him to work in me, out of a place of weakness.

But most importantly...I long beyond all things to hear the words, "WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL ONE!"

That would be an awesome reality!

...what do you see?

Spent some time this morning, just reading in the word and listening to worship music...and reflecting on the past month, season, and year.

The flower arrangement on the table stood out to me as I read Isaiah 42:3-4 (msg)....

"He won't brush aside the bruised and the hurt
and he won't disregard the small and insignificant,
but he'll steadily and firmly set things right.
He won't tire out and quit. He won't be stopped
until he's finished his work—to set things right on earth."

We all have different perspectives and each carry a very different view of life with us as we go about our daily lives. But this is what I immediately observed.

The flowers hadn't really stood out to me as anything other than a nice table setting, until I look more carefully. And what I saw was very different when I took the time to look and gave it my attention.

As I'm sure you are already aware...this beautiful arrangement is complete with broken and withered flowers.

This stirs me...with a mix of emotions. How is it that no one has cared for all the flowers in this vase? How is it that some of the flowers expired without care?

Well...as a man who has walked in a measure of sexual brokenness that left me feeling both rejected and feeling hopeless, this continues to stir me. The tenderness of the passage above washes over me, setting me on a path of knowing love in it's truest form. And as God restores an identity that is rooted and grounded in Him, it has been good.

But I still feel the dissatisfied call of my soul as I cry out for more Lord, more! There must be more. I would call it fullness...Being one with the One; feeling what He feels, going where he goes, seeing as He sees, and loving as He loves.

There are broken and bruised people all around us...some would seem to be already beyond hope. But I believe, for the one who is willing, Jesus will show us the bruised and hurt, the small and insignificant, and we will have a choice.

When we allow the HS to order our world, we will have the eyes to see and the love to love. To reach beyond ourselves and love these wounded ones.

Am I willing...are you?

dense like a forest...which is justlikecamping (I'll explain sometime)

"...and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. ² Then He opened His mouth and taught them..." Matt. 5:1-2

So far, I feel like I'm downloading Windows 8 or have the new iPad3, and they aren't even out yet, so that's saying a lot!

I have been convinced of one thing lately, and that is...I must KNOW Jesus Christ. And knowing involves interaction from me and him. So this is what he has been showing me this week. On Sunday I heard a message online from my good friend Timothy David Miller, speaking from Matthew 4. It was very good!

Well I didn't intentionally go there on Monday morning, but God took me there, when I was abruptly awakened at 4:20, when my German Shorthair proceeded to bound on me. She usually sleeps on the floor by the foot of the bed...but something had surprised her and I immediately found her standing on top of me. I noticed that she was obviously shaken when I got her off of me and onto the carpet. I glanced at my clock to see what time it was...4:20. Ugghh! I laid back down, but could not get back to sleep.

What was that about?

Like Samuel, I tried to go back to sleep, but to no avail...I couldn't shake it. I think an angel must have poked her, because I needed to get up for an encounter with God. So, instead of rolling over, I just laid there praying. And what came next was amazing to me. I had an impression to search 4:20 out in the Gospels. And that began to take me where I am today.

I will let you read it for yourself, but what stood out to me, and impacted me so clearly was Matt. 4:20. Meditating on Matthew 4 and 5 have now transfixed me.

In the context of Matthew 4, Jesus has a wilderness experience, a 40 day fast and a visit from the devil. And ends the chapter by calling out the disciples as he begins his ministry years. Then 5:1 happens. Mostly I have read past it so quickly that I've missed it, but have wondered before about one thought...so let me share...

"...and when He was seated His disciples came to Him. ² Then He opened His mouth and taught them..."

Of all phrases to put in there. Of course he was going to speak...that's one way we communicate. How else would he impart truth to them. And that's when it struck me. I guess he didn't have to. He is God. He could have done a number of things.

-He could have had ministry time and laid hands on them and they could have ROFL'd getting healed of junk in their lives.

-He could have written a letter and filled all in the blanks of their mundane living.

-He could have done some amazing miracle to wow and astonish them, convincing them He was the one to follow.

-He could have done like David and sang a beautiful ballad; imparting truth.

-He could make a divine moment for them all and open Heaven and let them know all the truths and mysteries of the universe.

..but for some reason he choose to sit and teach them. I know it is about relationship, but there's more. The first part of the verse says that after he was seated, that the disciples came to him. Now that's awesome!

So I see 2 major truths in this one line...

I COME and HE SPEAKS!

There's an awesome mystery in our willingness to come to him, in a posture of rest (sitting) that allows us to connect with the One who holds the Words of Wisdom, as He speaks truth into us. And that is precious to me.

God is speaking...do I hear his voice? I choose first to come and listen!

a mysterious 444

Here is one photo proof of the amazing 444 mystery. This was taken Friday Feb 17th, 2012...more to follow.

....so what's the significance of...

Deja Vu? Coincidence? Planets lined up? The Age of Aquarius? Probably not, but I just gotta know. I can't be the only one that experiences this stuff.

I have clearly been in a place of seeing, hearing, reading, experiencing, etc the numbers 444.

I will be out at the store and grab a box of something or whatever and the price is $4.44.
A movie will end and I look down at my iPhone to check the time and yep it's 4:44.
I will drive past a billboard and glace at it randomly and it promotes the address 444 ____.
I punch the clock from work, with a timestamp...4:44.
I wake up in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, 4:44.
I pay a bill for $4.44.
In 2012, my birthday was on the 4th day, and I turned 44. 444.
Today I watched a YouTube video that my friend Taylor Pool posted on FB and yep, you guessed it. It was 4.44 minutes long.

This "random" 444 has been happening a ton to me for about 4 years. (ha...you though I'd say 4 yrs, 4 months and 4 days....444...nope). It is the craziest series of numbers that I've ever experienced in my life.

And I simply shared about 8 different times that this has happened. But I would venture to say, it happens about 3-4 times a week. Maybe even 444 times to date...haha.

I know what I think God is saying to me through these encounters, but I'm wondering if others experience these same things. I don't place a lot of stock in numbers, I'm not going to go play the lotto, unless it's for 444 million :).

And except for a Biblical meaning, you know like the number 7 equating with perfection, Daniel and his prophetic dream, 666 and more from the book of Revelation, even Gideon and his 300 men, etc...I believe numbers are important to God, but I don't really try to develop a theology concerning them. And maybe my mind plays a little bit of a trick on me with the clock time. But I became convinced a long time ago that God was speaking to me. There was too much of a "coincidence" happening.

Anyone else find themselves in the same place? Numbers, colors, objects? I had a similar thing happen for years over a dime. I would find dimes, face up, in the most seemingly randomly, isolated places.

I believe strongly that God speaks to us all the time. He is intimately and intently involved in our lives. And probably one joy of his heart is to speak in mysteries and riddles. So back to my original thought.

When, where, and how is God speaking to you? He is still speaking!

...hates others...ouch...harsh!

Five years ago, I bought an album that has meant a lot to me. Ian Mcintosh, "Awakened". I believe the HS knew the impact that it would have on my life, especially the smolder of my heart. I have listened to this album more than I can count, but the lyrics jumped from the song into my soul yesterday...and the simple words pierced me. Was it the symbolism? Maybe some of that...as it was a cold and snowy evening and the fire in the fireplace warmed me. I believe it probably was timing. The HS ministered to me as the words rolled around in my mind and soaked down into the recesses of my heart. Let me share them with you. http://youtu.be/_evxigAcEJo

"The faintest touch from the One I long for
warms me like a hot fire on a cold Winter night

I am His and He is mine, I am His and He is mine
I am fully loved!

This is the One I long for, He gives me the reason to live
In His arms He holds me

I am His and He is mine, I am His and He is mine
I am fully loved!

You're all I need
There's no other love I know it's You."

I can see that the Father has had me on a journey of restoring the 1st Commandment, "You shall love the Lord your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength" in my life. As I think back, He has been bringing me through seasons of great repentance and restoration; teaching and training; fullness and thankfulness. I have seen my heart grow and endure the battles of living behind my eyes. And deep love is being restored...to the places that seemed dead, lifeless and beyond hope.

And now, I have been coming face to face with the 2nd Commandment...relationship with others. And it terrifies me! "Love others as yourself." WOW...cool stuff, but like a toddler just introduced to strained peas...I'm grimacing and gagging just a bit. Only because, I am discovering that I really don't do relationship well. I'm trying to remember, but did that get checked on my Elementary report card "Plays well with others"?

Inevitably, I am sure that somehow, as I say "Yes" to God, that He will place me in situations that will grow and stretch me.

I John 4:20-20 (Message) says, "If anyone boasts, "I love God," and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won't love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can't see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You've got to love both."

But I don't hate...right?!? Well, that's something I am working out with the HS, as He deals with my heart. What challenges me is this: How can I love God (rightly) when I can't see Him, and not love others, whom I see in the natural. I interact with them in so many ways: attend church, work, drive by, eat next to, speak with, and so on...but somehow the value is lost. This is not where I want to be.

Misty Edwards sings about the inside, outside, upside-down kingdom. The Kingdom of God...where I pray His will and purpose be done on Earth, as in Heaven. Well...here it is...His plan and purpose pulling me inside out.

Thank you, Father for fully loving me! I come, humbled and broken to you! Perfect me in love!